I was telling a friend this story and she said I had to share it, with my blog readers, but also to preserve the memory for myself. Enjoy!
I guess I knew this day would come, but I wasn’t prepared and really, even glad for that too. The response was so much more genuine and memorable. Anyway, on with it:
Knox’s 5-year-old cousin looked at him this past Sunday morning after a fun sleepover and said: “Knox, why are you brown?”
He was sitting on my lap at that moment, and he immediately drew himself closer to me, lowered his head to the ground and wouldn’t look up. He ignored the question, became very sullen and didn’t want to play with the other kids, when right before she asked he had been running around screaming and creating chaos as usual.
She sat still and looked at him with concern. I asked if he was sad. “Yes.” Was he sad about what she said about him being brown? “Yes.” Was he sad he was different than the other kids? “Yes.”
And that was the moment. The exact moment, which I will remember as long as I live. He had been so indifferent and so had we. He’s our little baby, our family’s blessing, our Knoxie. But at almost three years old, he realized he didn’t look the same as the rest of his family. And what a miracle it was to share in that moment with him.
Oh, I think I did okay and explained to him how we loved him. “Remember how I tell you YOUR story, that you’re adopted?” Yes, he remembered that. I told him he was perfect and would always be our joy and fit in just perfectly.
Then I asked if he wanted to walk to Grandma’s with me to get some eggs.(I had five kids at the house and five eggs left in the carton.) I knew he would want to see her, his best friend in the world besides his brother Max.
I told her what happened and she smiled a sweet smile, rocked with him and as she softly spoke, I sat and listened, and cried quiet tears. Grandma told him how loved he was, how he was always going to be her special boy and that God created him to be just him and that everyone is different in their own, wonderful way. She told him God brought him to us and how lucky we all were. She said how fortunate he was to grow up on farm and how his parents were wonderful. She asked if he was happy? “Yes.” She asked if he knew we loved him? “Yes.” And they shared what I think she will remember as long as I do and even more than him, the day Knox had his “a-ha” moment.
When we got home, he ran and played again like nothing had happened, and smiled that beautiful, “I Love you Mommy” smile at me that melts me every time. Now, it gets me even more.
I remember wishing his Grandma Judy had been there, or that I could have called and told her. She had been so excited to share in this special adoption bond with her little Knox. Lord knows she would understand more than anyone, and I like to think she was with us then. I like to think she calmed his heart through our words, that she comforted him and made him feel special and loved.
I know as he begins to talk and learns more, additional questions will come, additional moments will arise. This, however, was so special. It was heartbreaking to see him so sad, so in realization that in that second, with one question, life had changed. It was so overwhelming in joy to see him find peace again, and realize that we WILL be his family forever, that his skin color does not define a darn thing.
I hope we did his biological mom proud that day. We all have those days when we feel different, not good enough or alone. It’s just human. So, I hope she smiled about something on Sunday, October 26, 2014. I hope she didn’t feel different, but instead loved by someone. I hope she felt the hugs we gave Knox, in indescribable affection for her son.
I like the verse below as a closer to this post, because we were very sad with no hope for a family and it was hard to see others grow theirs. Today, God has answered my prayers and given Jonas and I a sometimes very challenging road, but one I wouldn’t trade for anyone’s. My dearest friend gave me the most loving encouragement this week, of sharing life and joy. For that, I am thankful.
Thank you for reading and this week, tell someone about the Safe Haven Law.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.” – Proverbs 13: 12